A Job-Seeker's Fairytale

I've got irons in the fire. Someone is going to call any day now. But I'm not just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring.

For example, in the past month I've been able to catch up on hobbies and do whatever I want at home. This is surprisingly accurate:



And then, I'm in review as a substitute teacher - final interview on Friday. There is no orientation or training. In the words of the secretary, "we just throw you to the wolves."

 

Also, I just submitted an application for part-time work at the adorable local bookshop. This job is perfect for me! I had to restrain myself from getting down on hands and knees to beg for the job. I love love love books and bookshops!

And then, I've also applied to work with the Alaska ferry system. Ah, life on the glorious high seas...

And lastly, if you've been following my previous posts, I think we can all agree that the cooking job just isn't going to "pan out."

Well, until that opportunity comes knocking, I'm doing my best to enjoy my freedom and heed this sage jungle advice (always follow instructions from a bear, that's my motto):

And maybe I'll lay off the Disney movies for a few days...

Employmentally Challenged

I am reinvented! Well, on paper, anyway.

I have transformed myself from "Avian Ecologist" to a slightly less majestic, yet modern, in-demand "Business Professional."

Impossible, you say?

Nay! Anything is possible for the well-crafted résumé!

Now that I'm a Business Professional, let's get started on all those business office applications!

First application: Bank Teller

OK, but first...

Shadow needs his tummy scratched... who can resist that face? Who's a good boy?!

I should check if these plants need watering... and re-potting...

I should probably get started on dinner. I'm feeling like fresh hand-rolled ravioli with home-made ricotta...

Oh man, it's getting late now. I'll work on this application tomorrow...

Holy moly, I just can't get myself to finish this application. Something imperative keeps coming up. It must be my subconscious crying out,

"Noooooooooooooo!!!"

I've had a gut reaction to applying for the other business office jobs as well:

Selling office supplies? Strikes me as reminiscent of Dunder Mifflin without the amusing antics, and there is certainly nothing amusing about the pay. Let's file that application away for later, just in case. 

Insurance sales... ack, just kill me now! I don't need my subconscious to tell me I'm not cut out for that.

So, now what?!

Hmmm....

...Aha!

I am reinvented!

I have transformed myself into "Educator." Yes, I like the sound of that much better than 'business blah blah blah'. The local principal is encouraging me to try my hand at substitute teaching. Not as heroic as full-on teacher, but still undoubtedly courageous. I'm taking my application and newer-and-improveder résumé to the superintendent next week.

This looks like a good tactical approach for the first day:

Wish me luck!

No, they have not called.

I feel like a damn fool! What in the world was I thinking when I wrote this cover letter? And secondly, (and much much much worse) why did I send it off to a potential employer?

I wanted this job. I wanted it bad. I wanted to stand out from other applicants.

I'm pretty sure I did.

I can just see the hiring official rolling her eyes, elbowing the next person as she says "look at what this nut wrote in a job application!" I hear hardy laughter. The next guy stops to see what's so funny. More laughter and elbowing. This goes on for a while until everyone has had a good guffaw. It's a small town. Now I'm embarrassed to walk down the street.

To whom it may concern,

I am quite interested in the cooking position within the PMC Dietary Department. My résumé shows I am a biologist by profession, so I am writing this letter to tell you that as a layperson I am an avid cook and longtime kitchen enthusiast. I am a new resident to Petersburg, looking for rewarding work opportunities, and I would be thrilled to join the Dietary Department team. My husband works for the Forest Service, and he sweet-talked me into moving here this past February. I truly love it here, though there is little work to be found here in town as a bird biologist! An alternate career path that greatly appeals to me is culinary arts and nutrition, and I love the idea of working as a cook at the Medical Center. I am an advocate for proper nutrition, health, and fitness, and I believe I have the foundational knowledge and skills to excel in this position.

Anyone other than a cook would find it odd that one of my dearest belongings is a food processor, and if ever there was a catastrophe, I just might grab my favorite spatula on the way out the door. I prefer to cook and bake from scratch. I incorporate colorful, whole foods and flavors- as fresh, organic and local as possible. I find inspiration from vegan and raw food cookbooks, always looking for fresh ways to make everyday food more healthy and delicious. For example, have you ever tried replacing heavy cream with raw cashew cream? It has similar taste and consistency, while reducing fat and enhancing nutrition. My shelves are laden with cookbooks and magazines such as “The Conscious Cook,” “Cooking Light,” and numerous essential guides to everything home-made. You would also find my cooking journal, where I keep notes and recipes from numerous informal cooking lessons from friends, such as my former neighbor from Thailand. I love to share healthy recipes, and regularly post them on my webpage. My current favorite is “cracked wheat salad with tangerines, parsley, and pistachios,” followed closely by my “colorful vegetable potato salad.” I also have an amazing recipe for a fudge cake made primarily with nuts and fruit.

Of course, I can also follow a standard recipe! As a scientist, I’m great at following protocols, staying organized and maintaining cleanliness, all on a schedule that requires planning and multi-tasking. From my artistic side, I love everything about cooking and presenting beautiful and healthy dishes. I also enjoy the challenge of cooking to meet the tastes of a specific audience, and those with particular dietary needs and restrictions. I hope that you find me suitable for the position, and I would love to talk more about your Department’s needs and how I can help meet them. Thank you for considering me as an addition to your team.

Sincerely,

Tana O'Leary

I'm completely mortified that I sent this letter. And to top it off, I included a captioned photo. And no, they have not called. God help me.



My “spring celebration cupcakes” with handmade marzipan ladybugs.



Nut Seeking Job

When people in this town see my résumé, they must be thinking:

“What an absolute nut job!

What kind of person spends a decade traipsing about after birds, sleeping on the ground, camping out in desert washes and rainforest clearcuts? Surveying for extinct species on active volcanoes? Moving from job to job every few months - 12 states in 9 years? Federally certified to use rifles and chainsaws?

I can't let this person work in my office. She probably smells."

In the past, I could proudly present my scientific achievements, like authorship on a cutting-edge paper entitled: Monophyly of terrestrial adephagan beetles as indicated by three nuclear genes (Coleoptera: Carabidae and Trachypachidae). And that's not all - I have a whole list of fascinating published works and professional presentations that my colleagues would drool over. Okay, so I didn't exactly receive a standing ovation when I presented "Quantifying broadleaf management targets for songbird conservation in timber plantations" last year, but I do recall a solid round of applause.

And then there's my graduate degree. I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled to hire a "MASTER OF SCIENCE" !

But I can't help but feel something has been lost in translation. I'm used to wooing employers who need me; employers who find my unique fusion of skills highly alluring and impressive.

Around here, this kind of résumé apparently gets special treatment: fast-tracking to the "round file."

And honestly, I get it. For my entire working life, I've been focused on one ambition. I've become a specialist. If you're looking for a bird bander, here I am! Need scat and feather samples from the owl nest in that burrow? No problem! Wondering about the abundance and species composition of waterfowl in that wetland unit? Stand aside, I've got my scope right here!

I've got a serious case of "the specialist's dilemma":

"Animal species reside on a scale with “generalist” on one end and “specialist” on the other. Specialists thrive when conditions are just right. They fulfill a niche and are very effective at competing with other organisms. They have good mechanisms for coping with “known” risks. But when the specific conditions change, they are much more likely to go extinct. "  http://www.futureblind.com/2011/07/generalists-vs-specialists-and-the-specialists-dilemma/

I faintly hear the death knell of my specialization. Or is that a ferry arriving in port? But never mind that. I CAN do other things! I'm intelligent, capable, and not afraid to get my hands dirty! I’m ready for a new challenge... really, I am. I'm not into making a name for myself, I just want to earn a decent wage contributing to the community in a meaningful and fulfilling way. Let's see what's in the Jobs section of the weekly town paper, the Petersburg Pilot... I'll find the perfect job and these employers are going to LOVE ME! I know it!

Four jobs advertised this week:

Hmmm... I already submitted applications for some of these last week, and never heard back...

Well, I hear they'll hire just about anyone at the fish cannery. That should take care of my smell issue.

Finding "happily ever employed"

Sure, I've been unemployed before. Actually, I've been "between jobs" dozens of times. It comes with the territory when you make a living as a bird biologist. No big deal- it's a big world with limitless possibilities- there's always something great out there on the horizon. You just have to migrate. If it's summer, send your résumé north. If it's winter, head south. The birds have it all figured out. And so did I.

But this time unemployment seems different. This time I have... a husband, a dog, a boat, a mortgage. All together on an Alaskan island in a Norwegian fishing village.

Wait, what?! How did this happen?! Is that an iceberg floating by?!?

Well, this certainly is new territory. Territory that has, I-kid-you-not, honest to God, glaciers. And now even the forests are bereft of birdsong; southbound migration is underway. Winter is practically lurking on the horizon. I can't help but ask myself, "What do I do now?"

Usually, right now I'd be packing all my worldly belongings into my car, topping off the engine oil (don't worry, Dad, I won't forget), and watching it all grow small in my rear view mirror as I follow the birds to my next wage-earning adventure in a reasonable and comfortably warm climate.

But now... I couldn't drive off this island if I wanted to. Dan and I had talked about marriage for years;  it only took moving to Alaska with him to finally get that ring. I adore my husband, that sweet-talker that he is. And so, here I am to stay - for better or for worse - in Petersburg, Alaska; population 3,000 fishermen. This snapshot from our wedding, two months ago at the local fishing lodge, really says it all.

As a forester (and of course, part-time fisherman), Dan works out of a field camp located on a different (and even-more-remote) island. He and his field crew fly in by float-plane and stay a string of eight days straight. Dan works long, hard days in the old-growth woods, wearing striped suspenders and big lugged boots, and loves every minute of it. So now we are happily married, and Dan is happily employed.

As for me- I'm still working on my "happily ever employed" fairytale. And apparently, some get a thrill out of hearing my 'desperate housewives of Alaska' stories (thanks, Mom), so this is for you. Besides, what else have I got to do now, anyway?